UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS
PORTIA DE ROSSI
JULY 5, 2011
PORTIA DE ROSSI BORN AMANDA LEE ROGERS IN HORSHAM VICTORIA, AUSTRALIA ON JANUARY 31, 1973 HAS PURGED HER LIFE WITHIN THE WALLS OF HER BOOK UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS. SHE NOT ONLY TELLS US HER STORY BUT INVITES US INSIDE HER MIND OF ENDLESS DIALOG THAT STARTS AT A VERY YOUNG AGE AND CONTINUES THROUGH HER FINAL DAYS OF PURGING.
THIS BOOK IS THE SHORTEST WITH THE LEAST AMOUNT OF CONTENT ON EACH PAGE THAT IS IN THE LONG LIST OF BOOKS THIS REVIEWER HAS YET TO READ. STILL IT HAS TAKEN THE LONGEST TO COMPLETE. THE READER FEELS ALL THE EMOTIONS AND ANXIETY DE ROSSI IS EXPOSING ON EACH AND EVERY PAGE. SHE DRIVES YOU THROUGH THE LOWS OF LIVING WITH AN EATING DISORDER. WHEN HER HIGHS SHOULD BE A MOMENT TO REFLECT ON HER HARD WORK AND GIVE HER SELF A PAT ON THE BACK HER INNER DIALOG BECOMES HER STRONGEST ENEMY. THE VOICE INSIDE FINDS ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING ON THE OUTSIDE TO CRITICIZE PUSHING HER BACK DOWN THE LONELY PATH OF HIDDEN RITUAL.
WORDS CAN BE USED TO ENCOURAGE AND UPLIFT THE LIVES OF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS, COWORKERS. TO A PERSON SUCH AS DE ROSSI WHO ALREADY HAS AN EXTENSIVE PHONETIC SCRIPT EXCHANGED DAILY BETWEEN HER ALTER PERSONALITY "DRILL SERGEANT" AND HER REGULAR VOICE "PORTIA" WORDS SUCH AS: "I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED LIKE A NORMAL, HEALTHY WOMAN" CAN BE DISASTROUS.
HER HAPPINESS RELIED ON DEALS SHE WOULD MAKE BETWEEN HER INNER VOICES. WHEN THE HAPPINESS WAS ACHIEVED SHE WOULD BEGIN BY BREAKING IT DOWN TO THE BAREST OF NEGATIVITY THAT WOULD PUT HER BACK ON THE CYCLE OF WEIGHT LOSS TO THE EXTREME.
THIS EERIE MEMOIR SHOULD BE A BOOK OF SUCCESS AND TRIUMPH IN A HARD EARNED CAREER IN A WORLD OF PLASTIC AND PERFECTION. BUT DE ROSSI CHOSE A DIFFERENT PATH LED BY THE NEED TO BE VIEWED AS PERFECT. THIS BEGAN AT THE AGE OF TWELVE IN AUSTRALIA AND FOLLOWED HER TO HOLLYWOOD AND HOME AGAIN. AS MOST BINGERS AND PURGERS LEARN THE ROPES IN SECRECY WITH ONLY HINTS OF THESE ACTIONS VISIBLE TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD. RED DOTS OVER HER EYES FROM STRAINING OVER THE PORCELAIN BOWL THAT SHE TRIES TO HIDE WITH CONCEALER.
HER FAME ON ALLY McBEAL ADDED ANOTHER ITEM ON HER LIST OF THINGS TO HIDE, SEXUALITY. THIS DECISION WAS A CHOICE THAT SHE MADE WITHOUT THE INNER DIALOG. THE "GAY FACTOR" IS NOT WELCOME IN HOLLYWOOD'S EYE OF THE SEXY LEADING LADY CHARACTERS. "HELLO ITS CALLED ACTING." ITS A SHAME THAT AN ACTRESS OR ACTOR HAS TO ACT THE PART OF STRAIGHT IN FRONT OF THE PAPARAZZI BUT IS NOT ALLOWED THE OPPORTUNITY TO ACT THE PART OF STRAIGHT IN A MOVIE OR TELEVISION SHOW.
THROUGH EACH CHAPTER YOU WILL THINK "OK THIS IS WHERE SHE BEGINS TO HEAL." THIS IS NOT THE CASE. EVEN AFTER SHE REALIZES SHE CAN NOT CONTINUE ON THIS PATH OF BODILY HARM EXPLAINED TO HER BY DOCTORS AFTER SHE COLLAPSES AND HAS EXTENSIVE TESTS DONE DE ROSSI CHANGES HER MO. SHE BEGINS TO REVERT BACK TO OLD HABITS OF PURGING SHE HAD GIVEN UP YEARS EARLIER. THIS SATISFIES THE NEED TO EAT INFINITESIMAL PORTIONS THAT HAVE BECOME HER DAILY ROUTINE.
GIVING UP THE HORRIBLE EATING DISORDER LIFESTYLE WAS A PROCESS THAT WAS INVALUABLE TO SAVING HER LIFE. SEVERAL DIAGNOSIS SUCH AS: OSTEOPOROSIS, LIVER CIRRHOSIS AND LUPUS INTRODUCED HER TO A NEW VOICE BORN WITHIN THE CONFINES OF HER MIND WHICH ADDED SOMETHING POSITIVE TO HER DIALOG. IF YOU STOP THIS CYCLE YOU WILL LIVE, IS HOW IT BEGAN. THIS NEW CHARACTER ALLOWED HER TO KEEP PUSHING THE NEGATIVE VOICES OUT AND HELPED HER FIND POSITIVE REPLACEMENTS IN LIFE.
TODAY LIVING WITH A NON-RESTRICTIVE DIET HAS ALLOWED HER TO BE FREE OF THOSE DEVASTATINGLY ANTAGONISTIC INNER VOICES. SHE EATS WHAT SHE WANTS IN REALISTIC PROPORTIONS THAT KEEPS HER AT 130 POUNDS.
FREE TO LIVE HER LIFE WITH THE WOMAN THAT MAKES HER HAPPY IS A SMALL PART OF THE BOOK. BY THE TIME SHE BECAME INVOLVED WITH ELLEN DEGENERES SHE HAD QUELLED THE NEGATIVE VOICES AND SEEMED READY TO DIVE INTO LOVE AND HAPPINESS. ON SEPTEMBER 23, 2010 PORTIA DE ROSSI BECAME PORTIA LEE JAMES DEGENERES AND IT SEEMS NOTHING COULD MAKE HER ANY MORE INTOXICATED.
RUSTY
2/5/11